Verbal Abuse Symptoms
Pages referring to my symptoms resulting from years of verbal abuse and the emotional and mental abuse that goes along with it
Journal Entries
Less Than I Am - ...I feel like I'm always proving my love to him, but I always fail in his eyes. Always. I can't do anything well enough...
Sex Not So Good - ...I think he'll come around before that happens. I don't want him to change, I want him to understand. Understand ME...
Color Experiment - ...your feelings warn that you need more self-respect, self-worth, and self-esteem...
Normal Shit - ...He drives me crazy...tunes me out...I'm tired. I'm going back to sleep...
Sick - ...What am I supposed to do? I want to beat him up and cry the whole time. I hope he comes around before I come apart...
Skipping Work - ...Before marriage, he respected me for working hard and being principled. After marriage, military life became inappropriate for women. Military women were "whores" or "trying to do a Man's job."
Who Knows - ...I need to quit picking on him and try to be nice. That would be a lot easier if he would do the same...He has a good heart and good intentions - he's just a little coarse, that's all...
Rough Adjustment - ...through a tough readjustment. More my readjustment than his. I'm just not sure what is right...
Detachment - ...So much hurt, but I don't want to give up on him...it hurts to bite my tongue and say nothing. I want him to hurt too...
House of Light - ...forced to answer to a person who is trying to trip me up, find my weaknesses, and discover new ways to hurt me...
I Hate You - ...all I know is that I didn't want to say this out loud to him. Unfortunately, I have told him "I hate you" since this day and more than once...
I Have to Have Some Peace -I mentioned feeling depressed to Will, but I didn't tell him exactly how bad. He seemed annoyed with the idea.
I Wouldn't Sleep - ...I laid in bed nervous about the dogs in the house, the toilet, and that maybe he would find cookie crumbs on the carpet where the boys sneaked their cookies. I couldn't go to sleep until I asked God for protection and peace...
Remember the Rape - ...I choose to re-examine my rape, work on myself, rather than confront our marriage problem or his abusive behavior (of course, I didn't know he was abusive at the time)...
Saying Something Stupid - this depressing way I've been feeling...but the $10 co-pay doesn't seem justified.
Better Armed - ...How do I learn to live? Share a life. I want to share my life, but I keep everyone at a distance. I feel like there is something more to it that I just don't get ...
Scribbles - ...my ideas will be the same as yours, and sometimes they won't...Please accept that fact...
Rotten Mood & an Angel Message - ...Worthless. Poopy. Bad. Careful. Never mind...
Do Do Do - ...I can feel anxiety...not enough quiet time in my head...
Prayer is the Same - I feel that Will is on board too, and that unites us and strengthens us forever...(shouldn't he tell me these things instead of make me guess?)...
Don't Restate - ...now rest. You are tired. Your brain needs rest, child...
15 Minutes - ...I feel overwhelmed by anger more than guilt, but doesn't guilt usually follow anger? Maybe...no, I don't know. I don't know why I'm so angry...
The Army Thing - Maybe the problem isn't with goal setting. Maybe the problem is that I've never had goals for "us" that he hasn't set. Maybe the problem is that any goal I've had for myself isn't important.
Choices - ...cigarettes or something else?...Tired. Not focused. Sick.
FLYing - ...this is me trying to organize my life the way he tells me I should with schedules and routines; or maybe this is me trying to organize my life the way I want it to be...I really don't know even today...
Conversation With Depression - ...You squelch me. You ooze through me. I feel you there...
Memoir of Basic Training - ...when I remove my spirit from the words/ideas he's trying to embed into me, he can't touch me. He can't make me believe. He can't upset me. He doesn't even know I'm not there.
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