Journal Entries

House of Light - ...notes that many if not most of the abuse survivors she's talked with are deep, spiritual, and unafraid to search their souls...

Don't Restate - ...don't restate in another way thinking he didn't understand. He did. He just has to do...(interestingly, Patricia Evans gives this same advice as this angel - abusers do understand, they just don't want to accept it because it means you're separate from them.)

Boundaries - ...boundaries cannot protect you from attack, but they can alert you to attacks and provide a plan to handle them...

Good Advice & a Panic Attack - ...an angel advises me to regain control of my own senses...

Long and Painful - At some point I decided it wasn't worth leaving the house at this point. I'd only have to come back. I turned on the digital voice recorder and went back out.

Never Change -  ...If he can show me legitimate change or the desire to change by his return from [there], I'm willing to work WITH him to save our marriage. I'm not going to work by myself anymore...

I Am Trying to Protect You - An argument tonight started because I told Will how he'd insulted me under the guise of trying to "protect" me.

Who's Warped? - ...nothing like a hotline to give just the information and support I still need...

Memoir of Basic Training - ...learning to insulate and hide my "real" self is not enough to protect me...

CARE Appointment 3 - ...even unsettling insights and advice from a counselor is helpful...

College - ...I'm going to pretend that he is a genius, go along with the idea of my choosing, and go back to school...

Gateways - ...says, "It is wise to never start a fight, but if one has started, be sure to finish it." I guess I'm going to have to finish what I started...

Goodbye & Good Luck - ...Earlier I had hung up on him because he started in with the "You've got it so fuckin' easy" bit...

10 Rules to Live By - ...message boards relating to verbal abuse or abuse in general help validate and guide me as I try to cope with my abusive marriage...

Look Back - ...sometimes my own words are my saving grace...

When Not to File a Police Report (video blog)