Journal Entries

Skipping Work - My reason for wanting a baby was faulty. If I had been wiser, I would have dealt with the real problems in our relationship instead of binding a child to them.

Pregnant & Worried - It seems so impossible that someone could live and grow inside my body. I know it happens to other people all the time, but what if I do something wrong?...

Color Experiment - ...I just have to believe that I am capable of carrying a healthy baby to term...

Moody - I can't wait until I start to show. Something to take my mind off of my swollen feet, aching belly, headaches and moodiness...

Normal Shit - During deep relaxation, I saw a beautiful little Native American girl with long black hair and bangs reaching for something being...

Rough Adjustment - ...He quit drinking for good. I know that will help a lot...

Detachment - ...I need to PLAN how to react to his drinking so I am not his excuse. But how?...

House of Light - many if not most of the abuse survivors she's talked with are deep, spiritual, and unafraid to search their souls...we know why we're doing what we do, why we're saying what we say, ...

I Hate You - journal entry is an image of the words "I hate you" and reflects a desire to put hurtful words to paper instead of in conversation...

Accept Responsibility - Even if counter-action is just rationalization, it may help. According to the test I just took, my main cognitive distortion is "All or Nothing Thinking" ...

Brain Bounce - Sometimes having busy kids is a wonderful thing!

God's Time -  ...Ithink the Prozac is helping, and I think the angels are helping a lot more now that the clutter has cleared out of my mind...

I Have to Have Some Peace - ...it felt good to be out of the house and going somewhere with him. Just being out made me feel better...

Valentine's Day - ...doing something special even though it may not be appreciated by others...

First Day - ...when they were tiny I would nurse them and trace their tiny faces with my finger praying I would never forget that exact moment...

Follow Him - ...a prayer, looking outside of myself...

Unburied - ...I had to see that the child I lost is separate from the two wonderful ones I have...

Don't Restate - ...Be patient, not angry. It may get worse and seem hopeless, yet, even now he...

Prayer is the Same - I think I needed a shot of good feeling so as not to be so hard on myself, yet fortify...

Choices - ...Why do I smoke? Its killing me. My house stinks, my eyes burn. It is a death choice...

FLYing - ...trying to carve order out of chaos...healthy tips work for healthy people...

No Pants - ...a sweet break from the everyday...

Perfect at Everything - ..."all or nothing" thinking; am I able to let go of it?...

That Smart - ...Graduating this term (2 years!). Staying on honor roll is yet to be seen...

I Yell Too Much - ...seeking solutions to change for negative behaviors...

Conversations With Depression - ...talking to my depression as if it is an entity separate from myself...I think it is...

Geesh! My Back is Fat! - ...realizing when my brain is playing nasty tricks on my emotions...

Apology - ...apologized to Thomas this morning. I told him that I was sorry for yelling at him and that I wouldn't ask for him to come rescue me again...

Boundaries - ...I recently discovered boundaries and set some of my own...

CARE Appointment - ...finding help from people who know what I need is important...

Do They Get It? - ...explaining to your family members what "the problem" may be is difficult, but educating myself means I have a responsibility to educate my boys, too...

Good Advice & a Panic Attack - ...the soothing voice of an angel helps to calm me down...

Miss Helen - ...a hug and a glimmer hope in knowing that he doesn't have her fooled is the gift I needed the most...

Nothing For Me Here - You know what? My heart is beating fast, I'm feeling anxious, but I know I did the right thing. The only reason he couldn't relax in here is because I wanted to express an opinion different from his...

Unless I Change - ...but the theory is that if I have enough self-control to properly react to his attacks, I can leave the situation with my dignity (and his) intact...

What Do You Want From Him? - ...defining my expectations helps me realize I may never get what I want; I want a happy, healthy marriage...

What is Change? - ...defining change to myself in concrete, measurable terms...

Who's Warped? - The hotline helped me confirm one of my beliefs...I wasn't mad at the rapist, I didn't hate men, I wasn't afraid, etc...

10 Rules to Live By - ...humor really truly helps me to deal with this abusive situation, but sometimes it doesn't really seem humorous...

Unfinished Note - ..."stream of consciousness" entry. The idea is to write until you feel like you're finished, but edit nothing out...

CARE Appointment 3 - ...Today's visit with my DSS counselor was very informative. Unsettling, but informative. Evidently, I made two major mistakes...

Gateways - ...He doesn't know me, he only imagines me. Therefore, he doesn't know who he's threatening, and that works to my advantage...

Look Back - However, I am entirely certain that letting go is the right thing to do. Marc must be allowed to make his own choices and then be allowed to face the consequences of those choices.

Mountainous Molehills - ...I do not appreciate being told I'm wrong because I did not follow YOUR idea of how to decide on what binders to purchase"  ...

Nice Guy - ...DSS angel told me I didn't HAVE to be ready to leave right now. It's okay to NOT be ready to leave. I'm going to go to school so I CAN leave when/if I'm ready...

Rape Secret - ...I've muddled through the best I could, but that one idea makes all the difference. It fits me perfectly. Why didn't I see it before?...

Blog

All Entries Tagged "Relief" | "Protect Yourself" | "Enlightenment"

The Verbally Abusive Relationship - I found a copy of Patricia Evan's book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship, at google reader...

Crazy-Making - ... understand the crazy-maker's techniques and motives and maybe even catch him in the act before he is able to make you CRAZY!

So Why Am I So Anxious? - Maybe it's the idea that I've allowed myself some grand illusion of anonymity and I cannot "hide" in it anymore, or that I never have been able to "hide" anywhere...