Journal Entries

Less Than I Am - I feel like I'm always proving my love to him, but I always fail in his eyes. Always. I can't do anything well enough...

Sex Not So Good - ...It hurt me so bad that he didn't want to. Not that I didn't get my way, but he didn't want to. No desire. He just let me lay there and cry and cry.

Color Experiment - ...you were responding to yourself with some emotional fatigue...and yes, I am emotionally drained...

Normal Shit - I get more and more angry with Will every day. He drives me crazy and then doesn't want to know why. He just tunes me out and doesn't listen at all...

Sick - Why? How do I get him to stop? Why doesn't he treat me the way he expects me to act? ...

Skipping Work - Instead of being patient as I fulfilled my obligation, he decided to make my life hell. He knew that getting pregnant would allow me ...

I Hate You - Hate is a horrible emotion to live with but not know how to get rid of...

Remember the Rape - ...by blaming my rape for our marriage problems, Will is able to divert me from the problem in our marriage and buy himself some peace as I experience emotional chaos...

The Rape - ...rape is physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally abusive. rape runs the gamut of abuse, and in my case, resulted in extreme emotional lies in an attempt to protect myself...

Army Thing - ...my husband acts like I have a voice in decisions that affect our lives, but I don't...he decides, tells me my opinion counts, then does whatever he wants anyway, usually after telling me I don't understand reality...

Haunted by a Memory - ...is it possible to emotionally abuse myself? I think so...

Sex Was Bad - ...Sex in marriage is one of the most personal and sacred activities I can share with my husband. When he attempts to manipulate my behavior or punish me through sex, he abuses me emotionally, sexually, mentally...

I Yell Too Much - ...anger, especially unexplained or uncalled for anger, is a sign of emotional abuse, especially since I'm, by nature, not an "angry" person...

Conversation With Depression - ...I fill you. I drain you. I bubble up. My energy steals from you. I have infiltrated,...

Geesh! My Back is Fat! - ..."all or nothing" self-judgment is also a sign of emotional abuse...

It's All You - ...this image paints a thousand painful emotions...

Scribbles - ...Will, I must be allowed to have my own ideas about everything. Please accept that fact...

Apology - ...He teared up and said, "Give me a kiss," hugged me, then said "That's what families are for." For what? To be yelled at?...

Boundaries - ...by listing my new boundaries, I see an entire list of ways in which I've been emotionally abused...

CARE Appointment - ...typically happens with him when there's something important we need to discuss but he wants me to know there's something more important on his mind...

Do It My Way - ...my husband seems to love berating me for not being or thinking just like him, going so far as to tell me that I "should pretend to be him"...

Do They Get It? - ...the person you love shouldn't make fun of your feelings, should he?...

Floating - ..."Thinking it may be easier to stop fighting. Just be what I'm "supposed" to be. NOT me"...

He Found the Guns - ...constant belittling and insisting that I'm not in my right mind...

Half Dead Mouse - ...exhaustion results from continual emotional abuse...

Long and Painful - He went to where the boys were and told them that they needed to go to their rooms or to the back of the house because "your mother is acting like a child"...

Nice Again - ...toying with my expectations, keeping on my toes wondering what's going to happen next, emotional abuse involves the inability to foresee how any situation will turn out, for good or bad...no warnings...

Prediction - why, if he knows me so well, does he choose the phrases and words that he knows would hurt me the most? ...

Slap, Push, Left - ...He calmly said to the person on the phone, "I'm sorry you have to hear her like this. I'll call back later"...

Threatening Behavior - ..."Do you want to sit across from your wife at your table and see her in tears like this? If you don't, then you had better change course and get your shit together"...

Tilly - ...walking around calling some "unknown" person ignorant is not only verbal abuse, but it's emotionally cutting, too...

What is Real? - ...emotional abuse causes me to question myself using the questions he uses to diminish me, such as "Am I full of it? Am I making things up? Am I involved in a "plan to get [my] own way"? ...

Who's Warped? - ...trying to control my reality - by making me think that I MIGHT be hung up on the past, he's better able to convince me that the present verbal abuse is a figment of my imagination...

You People - ...comparing me to people I know he despises, even in passing, picks at half-healed emotional wounds...

Memoir of Basic Training - ...emotional abuse is designed to "erase" me...

Food - ...harping on old wounds or bringing up old problems that I thought were solved is another way to keep the emotions hanging from a string...

Gateways - ...Right now, it hurts. Maybe it hurts because it's supposed to hurt, it was meant to hurt. He meant to hurt me...

Goodbye and Good Luck - ...my husband purposely makes threats which serve to keep me wondering and anxious...

Mind Fuck - ...therein lies the danger. If it is so "painful and hard" to remember the abuse, then aren't I mind fucking myself when I allow or force myself to forget?...

Money for a Calendar - he was upset that I didn't call him to ask and that I spent that much money on something I "don't need"...

Mountainous Molehills - ...emotional abuse occurs when my husband wants to "talk" but really seems to want to pressure me into doubting myself and my decisions, and he doesn't care how LONG it takes to do it...