You People
November 21, 2008
Last night things were quiet. I was enjoying the idea that Will was going to go talk to the chaplain. He was enjoying not talking to me. I let myself feel slightly happy. Tenuously happy. Happy on a chance that he wouldn't try to yank that feeling away from me. Always ready for him to do it.
Is that happiness or relief? Or happiness with fear on the edges. That's what it is, and that ain't happy. But, last night, I let myself pretend that it was happiness.
I put Eddie to bed. I went to bed to find Will there. He had said he wasn't going to sleep with me anymore, but there he was. I figured he was horny or something, and I almost didn't get into the bed with him. But it's my bed, I sleep best in my bed, and it's been awhile since we had sex anyway. So, I got into bed. I could use some sex myself, if it came to that.
He ignored me. Okay. Fine. Unfortunately, I couldn't even use the vibrator 'cause he was obviously awake and waiting for something. Finally his breathing pattern changed and I figured he was asleep.
Unfortunately, just about that time, Eddie opened the door, crept to my side of the bed, and crawled in. I turned to Eddie to hold him. Just as I was about to fall asleep, Will turned to me to put his arm over me (sex signal) and felt Eddie's arm too.
"What is HE doing in here?" Will said. Then he hit Eddie's arm hard and said, "BOY, go get in your OWN damn bed!" Eddie got up in the dark, made his way to the door quietly crying, and walked out.
Will said, "Why was HE in here?" I said, "I told him that if he woke up at night, he could always come in here." Will said, "You're HURTing him. You're going aGAINST everything you told him in front of ME and Marc that night!"
I said, "No, I'm not. You obviously don't remember what I said that night." Will said, "You're FUCKin' him UP!" I said, "I didn't do anything wrong."
Will got out of the bed in a huff. I assume he slept on the couch.
I felt really badly for Eddie. I had told him that he could always come to me if he woke up in the night. On the other hand, I don't think he ever really tried to go to sleep - I think I THOUGHT he was sleeping when I got out of his bed to go to my own. There just wasn't enough time elapsed for him to have been asleep, wake up, and try to go back to sleep but ultimately decide to come to my room.
I also think Will faked surprise at finding Eddie in the bed. He wasn't quiet when he came in our room. I'm not certain Will was asleep when the boy walked in and crawled in bed.
I let Eddie go to his room, fearing what would happen if I followed him. I didn't hear any crying, so I left it be and went to sleep.
This morning, I asked Eddie if everything went okay last night and he said that it had. Will didn't speak to me at all. He told Eddie what his plans for the day were, but left me out of all conversation. When he left the house, he said, "I'll see YOU PEOPLE later."
"You people" are the ones against him. "You people" are the welfare recipients, homosexuals, minority races, unemployed, white trash, low-life of the world. Now Eddie and I are also "You people." I think I've just entered a better class of society. Being "You people" is better than being "Nothing."
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