Trick or Treat?
October 31, 2008
Fight last night. I'm at a loss - I feel like I sold out.
As soon as Will seemed emotionally beat - showing wet eyes, I jumped on the chance to comfort him. Am I an abuser? Am I living in a fantasy world? Am I sick?
Anatomy of A Fight - What I Cause
At first, in the beginning of the fight, while his dad was still in here, I kept telling him that I didn't want to talk. He had a beer in his hand and kept baiting me with remarks and phrases until he said, "Fine, I'll sit here and just look at you then."
So I got up and went to another room. Will decided that I couldn't have my computer anymore and he started unhooking them all saying he was going to lock them up and I'd have to beg for it back.
This went on and on and on. From about 7pm to 10:30 of nothing but the usual. Marc tried to defend me and almost got hit on top of having to endure the verbal abuse - diverting and blocking plus flat out rudeness. I eventually got both Marc and Eddie out of the house to my neighbor's. That happened before 8pm. It was horrible.
And then when he showed signs of wearing down, what did I do?! I ran over to sit by him, comfort him, and try to find a way for HIM to feel better. Toward the end, I really felt like we were getting somewhere closer to him realizing the truth. At least MY perspective on it.
HIS perspective is dreary, dark and miserable. He "sees" horrible things into the future whereas MY visions are discounted. He's based his life on "fear of" this that and the other. Instead of putting 120% of his effort into the "two handfuls of people" he cares about, he puts all that effort into looking good to the others he claims to hate. Leaving nothing for us. Nothing.
We'll see if anything he said at the end of the "conversation" last night stays true or if, as I fear, his first opportunity to back pedal and twist my words becomes my next soul-stealing verbal bashing.
He denies everything. My gut tells me that he's going to resort to physical violence before this is over. I'm going to put the guns in the attic on Monday. He's home today and all weekend, and I don't want to take the chance of being caught hiding them.
I'm not sure about his dad. He's under the impression that I refuse to go to therapy with Will. I think Will has told him that I am the one who wouldn't go or walked out. That's a lie. The bad part is that Will believes his own lies.
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