PTSD
When I wrote this entry, I was trying to figure out what may be causing my husband's anger. I wasn't thinking about the fact that I may be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome myself. In fact, many abuse victims exhibit PTSD symptoms like forgetfulness, unexplained fear, extreme anxiety and nervousness, sleep disorders, and exaggerated startle response.
A good site to find out more about PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Info.
It Had to Suck
December 23, 2008
I know what happened the other day was horrible. I feel I was partly to blame, and not because he told me so right after. I slapped him. I was wrong for that. I took something from him and tore it apart. I was also wrong for that.
But Will didn't have to do what he did. He could have shown restraint - he had an opportunity to show restraint.
I had already gotten into the living room before he reached me, so he had stood there in the office after I took his paper, after I slapped him, after he said I was a cunt, and had time to think about his response. He thought about it, and then he came after me. He thought about it.
We've talked about it a little. I said I was sorry for slapping him. He said there was no excuse for what he did, that he was raised better than that. He never said he was sorry.
My counselor once asked me if I thought he could be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. I replied, "If that were the case, wouldn't it show up after he came back from the war?" When he returned from Iraq, he was gentler and more loving. It's been since he came back from his last "gravy" assignment that he's acted out so badly.
In fact, his anger was an issue about half-way through the deployment. I emailed him about it because when I mentioned it on the phone he just got mad.
My counselor said that something during the last deployment could have "triggered" the PTSD. Will could have put the experience deep into his mind trying to forget it, but anything could have been the trigger.
IF it is PTSD. He's been violent with me twice before. What's the excuse for those times?
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