Don't Remember
December 15, 2008
I don't know what is scheduled for this week. I probably have two counseling appointments, but I don't remember the days. I hope I put them on my calendar.
December 16, 2008
Last night outside of Taco Bell, a young man told me I was "really pretty." He was maybe 25 or so, and he just stopped outside the car (I was happily drinking a Fruitista) and said that to me. I was so surprised! It made me feel really good, not because someone thought I was pretty, but because they had taken the time to tell me so. Do you know how long it's been since that happened?
December 17, 2008
This morning, I was telling Denise about the compliment on the phone and Will was listening in to my side of the conversation. When I got off the phone, I asked him if he'd heard what I told my sister. He mentioned hearing the thing we talked about immediately before the compliment and immediately after the compliment. He didn't mention the compliment.
Even so, I knew he'd heard me tell her. I felt he was testing me to see if I'd tell him about the compliment or not. So, of course, I told him.
He joked about it a little, not hurtfully, and said, "Well I know you're pretty, so it makes sense that someone else would think so, too." Then he went to brush his teeth and get ready to go outside.
About ten minutes later, he came back to me to say that he was bothered about the compliment. "First of all, you're MY woman, and he should have respected that." Of course, that comment got my shackles up, but I didn't say anything.
He talked about all the reasons why "that guy" should never have spoken to me, and why I should have been insulted instead of flattered, then he said something else. He said that he was afraid that if other men complimented me, that I would realize someone else may want me. "And with all the problems we're having right now, how unhappy you are, I'm afraid you will decide to go. To leave me."
And that was the most honest thing I think I've heard from him in a long time. I don't know why we had to go round and round with the morality of the compliment and my delight in receiving it. He tried hard to make me feel guilty for being pleased about the compliment, but that failed.
Is this really honesty? Or is it an emotional plea that he knows I'll have a very difficult time disbelieving?
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