Codependency
November 3, 2008
I'm sitting outside my counselor's office. I've postponed setting my boundaries because I don't know what they should be. I don't know how to write them. But first I want to get something off my chest.
How can I leave him if I haven't given him the chance to fix his part of the problem? If I am codependent, then I've been adding to the problem. If I've been a martyr, then I've been adding to this problem. If those things are true, then don't I owe it to Will to work out my problems before expecting miraculous change from him?
At this point, a change in him would be a miracle.
I feel sick to my stomach. I hate thinking about and gaining information about possible separation without him knowing what all I'm doing. But if I'm right - if HE is the "sick" one or at least his behaviors are at the root of this problem, then aren't I in danger? Aren't the boys in danger?
In something I read it said that codependents have assertiveness issues. Either we're "too passive" or "too aggressive." How do I know if I'm one, the other, or just right? I can't gauge myself off of HIM - I know he's "too much."
Everything is so intricately wound up together. It's very hard to separate one part from the other. Doing so, or trying to do so, leads to indecision and confusion. I don't know which way to turn. I don't trust him and I don't trust myself. I'm floating.
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