Anxiety Rising
October 7, 2008
Went to Al-Anon meeting last night. It was worthwhile. We talked about arrogance, forks in the road, and where to seek help on post. I will return on Monday the 13th. Going to check out when/where Ala-teen meets next. I think it's tomorrow at 7pm.
Post-Entry Thoughts
Arrogance
December 4, 2008
Typically when I think about arrogance, I think it means "you think you're better than me." Certainly, that is one definition the word. However, let's take another look at Webster's online definition: "an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions."
In this definition, I see how I am arrogant. I have believed all these years that my husband was an "ass" and lacked empathy. I figured that with time and my loving example, he would "learn" the benefits of empathy and being nicer to his fellow human beings.
Hmph. What a laugh. I am arrogant in believing that I have the power to change another human being into my own version of "better." It simply cannot be done. If he were going to become empathetic and kind, then he would have to do it because he wanted to. His changing one way or the other has nothing to do with my "perfect" example.
In fact, my ability to be empathetic and kind has done nothing but keep me in his pocket. He knows that no matter how nasty he acts toward me, I will find a reason to excuse his behavior. "Oh, he must be hurting so badly inside to be this cruel...I wonder how I can ease his pain?" No matter how insulting he was to my children's dignity, I found myself telling them, "Don't worry - Daddy doesn't really feel that way! He's having a hard time right now."
No more. I'm through thinking I can change him. I'm done being arrogant about my desired effect on him. From here on out, I will not make excuses for him to myself, to my children, or to anyone else. He's on his own.
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