Failure Is A Success
December 12, 2005
I'm doing an exercise, focusing on my wasted time playing video games. [I don't remember what exercise this was. Whatever it was, I didn't feel relief at the end of it.]
Bored. School. Nothing is happening, no drama. Will. Will, computer, flowers, funeral, death, Nita, sleeping, my death, small death, pinched light, no seeable future, going through the motions.
- Make relationship with Will as drama-free as possible.
- Get bored and quit stuff I liked.
- Boredom = Boring
- Be boring so people will like me.
- Be bored and unsuccessful so others identify with me.
- Mask my true desire to be successful.
- Don't let anyone know my dreams - that way they won't know when I fail.
- I can't let anyone down if I don't promise them anything.
- I cant let anyone down - it's a failure
- I'd rather let myself down by suppressing my desires than letting anyone else down.
- I use my energy to suppress my desire - it is leaving nothing leftover to encourage others to follow their dreams or to be part of their support system.
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