Patricia Evans, author, notes that many if not most of the abuse survivors she's talked with are deep, spiritual, and unafraid to search their souls. Perhaps this comes from constantly back-checking ourselves to make sure we know why we're doing what we do, why we're saying what we say, etc. I know that I am forced to answer to a person who is trying to trip me up, find my weaknesses, and discover new ways to hurt me.
The following entry describes a dream I had in 1996; I remember it clearly and can't shake the importance of it.
House of Light
One Night in 1996
I was hiking through a forest with family and friends when someone mentioned a legendary house of light supposedly hidden in the area. Our hike took on meaning as we split up to search for this house of light. I knew someone that I knew and loved was searching with me, though they stayed behind me and I never saw their face.
I came to a rocky slope and carefully maneuvered downward. Since we had been watching my footing and not where I was going, I was surprised when the igloo made of crystal was in front of me. I stood in wonder, looking at the intricate twinkling of this house and assuming it was the house of light, I went closer.
The whole house was transparent and the shrubbery and flowers could be seen on the other side. The forest colors played beautifully along the crystal, creating rainbows of color. I thought to myself, "I have to find the others now," because when the sun goes down, the house of light will have lost its power.
Soon enough, they came and were entranced with the crystal house's beauty. As more and more people came, I stepped back to give them their turn, but was increasingly disappointed with the limited glory of the house of light, feeling "There has to be more to it than this." Then, in the shadows of the dying sun, I noticed a similar igloo nearby and wondered why I hadn't seen it before.
However, this igloo was made of sand and rock. It was very modest and looked almost like a large ant hill. Nevertheless, I was drawn toward its mystery and went to check it out. This igloo was sturdy and opaque. I was about to lose interest when I noticed a tiny window. I looked through it, but the house was dark. The sun was going down, but its last ray penetrated the window, and revealed someone inside.
A man, his arms chained to the walls of the house, knelt on skinny knees. Only a cloth draped his middle, and slowly he turned to look at me. The ray of sunlight illuminated his kind face, and I knew He was Jesus.
With that realization, his chains broke and he stood arms upraised, looking at me and smiled. I was awestruck by his acceptance. Only for a moment he was there, then in a bright glow he was gone.
I knew that this humble house of sand and stone was the true house of light. Only those not blinded by the beauty of the crystal igloo were allowed to find it.
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