testimonials of abuse

pix

Color Experiment

January 17, 1993

A few notes:

The rest of this entry is based on a personality color test, but I don't remember the book it came from.

journal entry
  1. I see myself as ambitious, energetic, courageous, extroverted.
  2. I feel good when I have fun and am adventurous and sensual.
  3. I bring myself into balance with energy from the earth and natural elements.
  4. Your best friends and associates can be executives, professionals, educators or philosophers.
  5. The man who makes the best partner is a therapist or practitioner in the health arts. (?! Did I pick the right color?!)
  6. My weaknesses show when I place myself in positions where I feel that others restrict or are insensitive to my feelings.
  7. My strongest motivating factors are participation in humanitarian ventures and projects, being charitable, acceptance of community-action roles.
  8. At the time you chose this color you were responding to yourself with some emotional fatigue.
  9. My feelings warn that I need more self-respect, self-worth, and self-esteem.
  10. I am currently lovingly satisfied.
  11. I respond uncomfortably to restriction by authority.
  12. I feel strong and emotionally secure when I am creative, practical, and using my mind instead of my heart.
  13. I react strongly and positively to physical and emotional love, strongly and negatively to anger.
  14. I feel the happiest when I am positive in thought, action, and accomplishment.

I guess that most of those choices were right on. I don't understand how a medical practitioner could be my best match right now unless it was to protect me and the baby. Like I said, I'm afraid I'll miscarry. But the answer to that may lie in the idea that I need more self-worth, respect and esteem. I just have to believe that I am capable of carrying a healthy baby to term.

And yes, I am emotionally drained.

I've written enough. I'm going to analyze Will!!

 

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