What is Living with Verbal Abuse Like?
I am feeling angry even though I am not "allowed" to be angry about how I've been treated, just as I am not "allowed" to feel anything he isn't feeling. If he is frustrated, I am expected to be frustrated; if he is happy, I am expected to be happy.
I am merely a mirror for him. My feelings "should be the same" as his so he is validated and justified in feeling whatever he does at the moment. The punishment for exhibiting any feelings or behaviors without "permission" usually outweighs the benefit of feeling them.
Whenever I am "different" from him, I am:
- wrong
- living in a dream world
- illogical, crazy, or "unbelievable"
- too emotional
- too naive to see the truth
- lying, plotting, or sneaking around
- stupid
- forgetful
- making things up
- being a drama queen
- picking a fight
- and on and on and on...
In short, if I show my individuality, my separateness from him, I am verbally beat down into the emotion I "should" be feeling. When I go along, "everyone" is happy; when I rebel, "everyone" is miserable.
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