Are You Being Abused?
Sometimes abuse is so subtle that you don't realize you're being abused. As you go through this checklist from the National Domestic Violence Hotline, only slightly modified by me, you will get a clearer picture.
Answer the questions "in general." Remember that every person could have a "bad day" and act out in mean ways. The person having a bad day will most likely sincerely apologize as quickly as possible after it's come to his attention that you've been hurt. Abusive relationships cause the victim to wake up every morning wondering if her abuser is going to be "nice" that day or not.
Quiz from National Domestic Hotline Site
Does the other person:
Embarrass you with put-downs (especially if you two are alone)? Talk nicely about you in front of other people, but cut you down in private, often about the things he compliments you about in public?
Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Control what you do, where you go, or who you talk to?
Stop you from seeing your family or friends? Make visits so uncomfortable you are embarrassed or afraid to invite family/friends to your home?
Insist on control over all the money? Make you ask for money?
List the therapies and/or medications you've used to deal with depression or anxiety to "prove" you are messed up in the head? That your thinking cannot possibly be as clear as his because you've sought help from professionals or medication currently or in the past?
Impress the neighbors, friends, and your family with his kindness or helpfulness leaving you to doubt your own perception of him? Act much differently in public than at home?
Make all the decisions? Tell you he considers you an equal partner but somehow ends up making the decisions anyway?
Tell you you are a bad parent or threaten to take the children away? List all the reasons why you couldn't gain custody in a divorce, ignoring his own faults?
Prevent you from working or going to school? Stare at you or ask if something's wrong every time you try to study or work at home? Make demands of you that lead to absenteeism you would rather avoid?
Act like his behavior (the abuse) is no big deal, it is your fault, or even deny doing it?
Destroy your property? Threaten to hurt or kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives, other weapons or even his presence?
Shove, slap, choke or hit you?
Force you to drop charges?
Threaten to commit suicide?
Threaten to kill you?
If you answered yes to even one of the above questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.
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