Are Abusers "Crazy"?
Short answer: No. No law or psychiatrist officially says that abusers (in general) are mentally ill. Yes, SOME abusers are mentally ill; however, the percentage of abusers who are mentally ill is the same percentage as in the general population.
This means that most likely, your abuser is NOT mentally ill. Somehow, it's more comforting to think that the abuser has a mental illness. If he's "sick" then what the abuser does is "not his fault." It's bone-chilling to think that what my husband says and does to me is done WITH CONTROL.
He knows what he's doing.
No matter how disassociated from reality my husband may be, appear to be, or become, no one can legally say that he is mentally ill unless he is diagnosed with an independent and different psychiatric disorder. He's a perfectly sane, controlling, abusive man. When it suits him.
I'll explore the legal and mental issues at some future time, but I'm not ready yet. I'm still emerging from the fog 17 years of verbal abuse created. I'm just now sorting through thoughts such as:
- ...does this mean that when he told me I was lying (when I knew I wasn't!) that he was lying?
- ...what about all those times he told me I said something when I didn't remember saying any such thing?
- ...does he really think I am all the terrible things he says I am, or does he just say those things to humiliate me? To make me question my own intentions?
- ...how long am I willing to battle with these questions before I can accept the fact that I accidentally married a verbal abuser?
- ...why is it so hard for me to say that I deserve better?!
He acts crazy and I feel crazy. Maybe my husband isn't mentally ill, but his behavior has certainly caused me to doubt my sanity. Is this crazy or what?!
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