Rose's Story of Abuse
I met my second husband after leaving my first husband who was a drug addict and physically abusive.
My second husband offered me a kind of hiding place and a sense of safety. I didn't have to pay any of the bills because he was pretty well off. There is an age difference and I think he was embarrassed of me because he introduced me to his family as his cleaning lady when they came to see him and I was there. He never cleared this up - just let the situation speak for itself.
We lived together for 9 years before we married. He controls all the money, makes decisions without consulting me, and I have to ask even for grocery money. I am bad with money but this has developed since our marriage.
He makes comments to other people about how he paid for my college (he didn't he just helped with the books), how he paid for my divorce (he did not but did help me a little bit...even so I don't know why he has to tell people), he tells people he paid my spousal support to my ex when he didn't. It makes people look at me like I am a gold digger or something.
The thing that really baffles me is that he makes me insane. He says things in a sarcastic way and then spins it differently. It is so hard to say how he does it but he does.
One of my issues is that I always feel as if I am in the wrong and not really good at anything so I often don't know if it is me or him. It literally keeps me stuck and feeling as if I am worthless as a human being. I just can't describe how bad it feels sometimes.
Just today I asked him what he wanted for supper and he said something about how the leftover chili sounded good. I said what ever he wanted was ok with me. He then says "Oh, whatever I want to cook is ok!" He was inferring that I don't cook enough or that he has to do too much... I know this without a shadow of a doubt and so I get mad.
Then he spins it to make it look like I am just nuts and overreacting. It happens all the time and I just can't stand it.
He waits until I am calm and then says something sarcastic or mean (often around others). The statement he makes sounds innocent enough but it isn't and so again I look nuts, mean and hard to get along with and soon I start to believe it.
Also my name isn't on the house or anything that we own. I don't get to make any major decision while he does whatever he wants without consulting me.
- He bought a truck without saying anything to me it was just there one day.
- He spent tons of money on hearing aids (which I know he needs but that isn't the point) without as much as saying anything. I just happened to notice them on him one day while I want to get my teeth fixed and I have to discuss it with him or come up with some way to pay for it myself.
- He has COPD with about 30% lung capacity. When he goes to the doctor he doesn't say anything about his visit. If I want to know what medication he takes I have to look in the medicine cabinet.
- All of our important papers are in a safety deposit box of which I don't have access. If he dies I have to call his lawyer and have him open the box so that I can get out his insurance papers.
This list goes on and on and still I feel like I am in the wrong and crazy to think these things because he is only protecting me because I am terrible with money. I feel miserable and trapped.
How Rose Found Out She Was Being Abused
It took years of trying to figure things out... reading and visiting web sites.
Words Rose Chose to Describe Her Abusive Experience
Worthless, Stuck, Crazy
Break the Silence: Share Your Experience
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