Amanda's Story of Abuse
As far back as I can remember my mother would always demand I do or help her with things around the house, if I couldn't or forgot to do something on her list, I would get the reminder of what a selfish, ungrateful princess I am. She would spout off long lists of things for me to do, if I forgot anything I would send her off on a huge screaming fit which involved her cursing and name calling me to no end.
I could bust my hump all day just to hear "You never do anything to help me" or "My life would be better if you would just get out of my life" or "you are slowly killing me because all you do is create extra work for me."
I've always noticed how nice she would always treat our 4 dogs but would always scream at me to the point where I would lock myself in my room, cry and contemplate running away or suicide just to escape her or finally make her happy.
After her fits of screaming and name calling me she would become nice and buy me something: a vacation for a few days, a car, a new iPod. when ever she felt I never did my job correctly she would begin to remind me of the nice things she had bought me and I shouldn't be so ungrateful to her.
As a result from her abuse I didn't have many friends, I've developed a dislike for talking to people and I generally try to avoid conversations, I became depressed and started having panic attacks by 13. I was shy and picked on a lot in school. I have developed a panic disorder and a disinterest in everything. I began to eat to cover my feelings but would often get reminded that I wouldn't be so fat if I just wasn't so lazy and useless.
I've grown to let everyone around me control me and make all choices. I hope one day I'll be able to move far away from her, be able to get into therapy and begin to heal, then maybe I can have a healthy relationship. I wish my mom could see how badly her abuse has impacted my childhood and ultimately my life.
I have learned that I will never allow myself to be like her with my own children, my kids will grow with love and not ugly words and tones.
How Amanda Found Out She Was Being Abused
A college class started looking into how abuse impacts a life. I related to a lot of the results of abuse and started doing my own research into verbal abuse.
Words Amanda Chose to Describe Her Abusive Experience
Hopelessness, Anger, Sadness
Break the Silence: Share Your Experience
copyright 2009 verbal abuse journals; all rights reserved.