Ann's Story of Abuse
I grew up in a verbally/physically abusive household. I had no sense of self or self-esteem. My dad called every name you can imagine from the time I was very small. I always blamed my mom for not leaving.
I met my husband who was very charming. I had a few warning signs but I didn't get it (before we were married). Name calling in fights, extreme reactions to minor things, not being allowed to talk about something that bothered me. It got worse after we got married.
I have stayed because I have children with him and cannot afford to get another place. I have no scars on my body to show the police. My soul is scarred. I am trying to leave but need to figure out how.
I will list these incidents to just say it, to vent (many will be left out, there are too many to write):
- Being told I was nothing before he met me, he picked me up and made me what I am today (I was a strong single mother who was 23 and working, paying my bills and happy)
- Being told he doesn't understand how I've ever made it as long as I have (meaning I am stupid)
- Not being allowed to discuss my feelings without either an extreme reaction (yelling, flipping out) even if I am calm OR the silent treatment. He never ever discusses them.
- Having to apologize over and over for whatever he is mad about for the above reasons
- Threatening to leave me over and over again if I had our daughter (which I did) and saying he would resent me forever (He loves her to pieces now which you may think is enough to make me stay, but she sees how he treats me and is going to end up in the same situation)
- Telling me he wanted me to have an abortion for months while I was pregnant. Once we got in an argument and I brought that up he grabbed me by my throat, pushed me numerous times and cocked his fist to my face. He denies he ever did this.
- Getting angry at me for falling asleep early (10-10:30) at night as he is a night owl. I still get up with our youngest at night and she wakes up early in the morning. He has never ever not once offered to help me even when she was an infant, yet gets very angry about my being tired at night. I am not lazy, I go all day long. I get the silent treatment.
- If he doesn't get sex how and when he wants it he becomes enraged.
- Once when he insisted on having sex downstairs my oldest daughter came down and I'm not sure if she saw us but she heard us. I became embarrassed and went to our room. This enraged him as I should have finished downstairs and she shouldn't have been up anyway.
- Being called a fucking bitch in fights
- Telling me I am just oversensitive because my dad was abusive so therefore I think he is
- Telling me I'll never find anyone else, no one would want a woman with two kids from two different men
- Flipped out on me when I was waitressing at night because it wasn't the environment he wanted me in
- When I went back to work full time when he was laid off calling me every time one of our children was sick demanding I leave. Yelling that I wasn't a good mom if I didn't. Then demanding I leave right at 5:00 because he's been home with the kids all time and needs his time
- If he is late when he is working and I call he flips out that I shouldn't be so needy I could go on and on.
I am just trying to find a way but I don't have anyone I can stay with and no money saved. Once when I had some money saved up and he found it.
I am scared and just wish there was an easier way for women in this predicament to leave.
I will protect my children and find a way, I will save money, I will do what it takes so my girls do not think this is normal.
It is a cycle; he can be sweet for days, weeks. Then it builds up...you know its coming. Makes you question what you are doing wrong...
How Ann Found Out She Was Being Abused
Three or so years ago the light dawned on me, like a punch in the stomach. I kind of new before but couldn't admit it.
Words Ann Chose to Describe Her Abusive Experience
Shame, Guilt, Fear
Break the Silence: Share Your Experience
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