How I Found Out He is Crazy

Short answer: I read Patricia Evan's book, "The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change?"

The research says that my husband is probably not crazy, in the clinical sense of the word. Only 10% of abusers suffer from some sort of mental illness, and that's the same as in the general population. (See "Are Abusers Mentally Ill?")

However, as a layperson, I believe he is crazy. I am defining crazy as exhibiting behavior that causes you to act against traditional good character, and the behavior you chose hurts someone else AND YOU DON'T CARE.

Working with that definition, my husband, in my opinion, is crazy. I can't call it anything else at this point because I'm still emerging from the fog 17 years of verbal abuse created. I am untrusting and skeptical, and I have a LOT of questions for him, but even if he answered, I'm not sure I could believe him.

I'm just now sorting through thoughts such as:

...does this mean that when he told me I was lying (when I wasn't!) that he was lying?
...what about all those times he told me I said something when I didn't remember saying any such thing?
...does he really think I am all the terrible things he says I am, or does he just say those things to humiliate me? To make me question my own intentions?
...how long am I willing to battle with these questions before I can accept the fact that I accidentally married a verbal abuser?
...why is it so hard for me to say that I deserve better

So, you see, he seems crazy to me. He defies logic (at least MY logic) and I can't get a grip on the slippery word-play and strange behaviors he exhibits. I don't even know if I want to understand it. I may just want to get out from under it. I may just leave.

Verbal Abuse Journals

How I Found Out He is Crazy